I’m ready to tell my story. 

The one that’s ultimately kept me from showing up, for you guys and for myself. The one that’s had me in a shitstorm of self-doubt, pain and slowww, heavy healing for the past 6 months. 

In July 2020, I decided to get a divorce. From the person who has shown me nothing but love and appreciation for the past 2 years of our marriage. Why tf did I want a divorce then? Something happened that resulted in my decision.

On May 27th this year, I almost got hit by a train. I was driving my sedan with my dogs in the back. I didn’t realize I was stopped on the tracks until the railroad crossing gates started closing with my car in between them and I heard an incredibly loud train horn blaring from the left. My flight response took over and I was able to reverse off the tracks before the train rushed by in front of me, missing me and my pups by merely one second. I paused, I caught my breath and I thanked the Universe for protecting me and my pups. After the train passed, I drove down the road to a parking lot and instantly started sobbing my eyes out. I felt so grateful that we were all still alive, but still so terrified and traumatized.

I drove tf home and laid in my bed to journal and reflect on what had just happened. While I was journaling, I had an incredibly clear realization....that I wasn’t living an authentic life (which is one of my core values). I wasn’t authentic in my relationship, and that meant I wasn’t authentic to myself or in any area of my life really. I wasn’t my true, expressed, big, bold and authentic self.

This thought occupied my mind for a couple of months of deep, intensive introspection, reflection and guidance-seeking from the Universe. Until, finally, I chose. I needed to release my marriage in order to step into who I truly am. In order to find my authentic self, my voice, my power, and the life I belonged in. 

My divorce isn’t about not loving my husband. It’s about getting to know and love MYSELF and getting to become the person I desire. My divorce is about learning who I am inside and out, and choosing me so that I can love myself and others fully. 

Independence is a powerful thing, and I needed to find it. You can learn so much from choosing independence, from choosing to “make it on your own,” from choosing to be a one-woman ship. 

The choice I made was the absolute hardest effing decision I’ve made thus far in my life. This decision meant learning to nourish my body through food and exercise, nourishing my mind and soul by committing to my personal growth practices intensely, expanding my spirituality and my intuitive gifts by coaching with my amazing mentor, Danielle Laura, and deepening my connection to my soul, the Universe and my guides. Most of all, it meant learning to trust myself, be loyal to who I am, and that I will support myself, without relying on the support of someone else.

I have a ways to go on this journey. I lost myself and my purpose big time during this journey. I still doubt my potential, my abilities to make it on my own, show up every day, financially support myself, and to move to San Diego and live my dream life. I still doubt my ability to fulfill my WHY.

And that ends now. I am here to show up and create love and impact in this world, and that starts with living my fully self-expressed and authentic life. 

With love to everyone reading and beyond,

Devin